I sit and I talk to my best friend, hundreds of miles away, as we try to figure out this thing we call “life.”
We’re excited. We’re terrified. We’re free. We’re clueless. We’re growing.
As I reflect on every word we say, every dream we dare to dream, I can’t help but wonder of all the souls in this very position.
I am a 24 year-old dreamer. I am a daughter, a sister, a soon-to-be aunt. I am a friend. I am a woman with a past. I am a sinner with a gentle soul. I am a believer and hopeful of love in all forms.
I trust that being kind to each and every person creates the fullest heart.
I am scared.
I question if what I’m doing is right.
I remind myself not to compare. Yet I look in the mirror. I turn to one side, suck in, and let out a sigh going back to original form.
The form that is me in that very moment whether I love it or hate it.
I pray. I pray for answers, for support, for those in my heart and those I will never see again. I pray to cry.
And I pray that others have someone or something to speak to… so that they know they’re not alone.
I know I am not alone in this journey, but it has proven to be damn lonely at times.
I think to myself some nights “How the hell am I going to do this?”
You think to yourself “How the hell am I going to do this?”
A different fight.
The same war.
Something we’re all so afraid to speak about: our own fears.
But if we silence our own silence, something magnificent happens.
The idea that fear is inadequate.
Whether you are 80, 38, 18, or 8, there are always going to be fears.
A grandmother looks into her children’s eyes and hopes they know that she is ready to let go. Never to let go of them, but to let go of the structure she shaped because she trusts that the foundation she built is ready for new builders.
A grown man comes home to his family and through his exhaustion, he hopes that he has provided them with a good life.
A teenage girl comes home with a broken heart and bruised ego from the bullies and wonders if life is worth living.
A child looks out at the world and sees the hesitation and doubt of the people around them.
But do we ever really find an answer?
We spend our whole lives hoping.
Hoping, wondering, dreaming, questioning.
And what makes it all worth it?
Fear should be present, but never enough to hold us back.
The fight makes it all worth it.
So don’t you dare stop fighting.
Don’t you dare stop dreaming of a life worth living.
Because when you dream like that,
You should be scared.
I’m scared too.
And in the most obscure, confusing way,
….it all makes sense.